Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Bright side of the computer

One woman called the technical support of the "Canon" because it had a problem with the printer. The tech on the other side asked her whether "works under Windows (windows)." His wife replied, "No, my desk is next to the door, but it's a good suggestion. A man in the room next to me sitting under the window, and his printer works perfectly."
Technician: "Okay, Bob, now press Ctrl and Esc keys at the same time. Tasks you've got a list on the screen. Now beat the letter P to activate the Program Manager."User: "I have P."Technician: "On the keyboard, Bob."User: "What do you mean?"Technician: "P on your keyboard, Bob." ("P on your keyboard" = pi * device on your keyboard)User: "I will not do it!"
The computer stores:Customer: "I'd like a mouse pad."Seller: "Of course, we have a choice."Customer, "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom of the document to send the same back to the sender when to use it, because it's still the same need.
Customer: "Could you copy it to this floppy disk?"
Customer: "So it will connect me to the Internet, right?"Technician: "Yes."Customer: "And this is the last version of the Internet, right?"Technician: "Well ... uh ... that ..."
Technician: "Okay ... Now double-click the File Manager."Customer: "That's why I hate windows - the icons. Protestant I am, and I do not believe in icons."Technician: "You know, it's only industry term. Believe that I have thought of these icons."Customer: "I do not care about any 'industrial terms." I do not believe in icons. "Technician: "Well, why do not you click on the 'thumbnails' Records ... 'small picture', okay?"Customer: [click]
Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want you to replace it."Technician: "And what's the problem?"Customer: "Balance is upside down. Levi channel coming from the right speaker and vice versa. Was defective."Technician: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right and vice versa."Customer: [silence]
Customer: "I'd like to return this scanner."Seller: "What?"Customer: "This scanner that I bought. Gave 80 bucks for it, and it does not work!"Seller: "This ... Sir, it is a trackball."Customer, "You sure did not. It says '600 dpi tracking resolution '!"
One man, trying to set up your new printer, called the technical support line and explained the error message that it occurred: "Can not find the printer." The man said that he even kept the printer in the hands of the front of the monitor, but the computer still could not find him.
Customer: "Hello I'm trying to log. Installed the software well, and dialed. That's what I heard. Then I heard two computers to connect. But then the sound stopped, so I picked up the phone to see if they are connected, and then I got the message "no carrier" on the screen., what's the problem? "
I have a friend who just bought a computer and it should load the program simply by typing "A:" and then the name of the program. He told me he did not succeed because its keyboard is not good. Not able to type "point of the dot," and every time I tried to type "point of the dot" is constantly receiving "point against point," even when the most gentle pressing the top button. When I told him about the SHIFT key, he thought I was a genius ...
One guy called tech support and complained to the message "Access denied" every time I try to log. It turns out that the house is a username and password in capital letters.Technician: "Okay, now try again, but use lowercase letters."Customer: "But I only have a keyboard sensitive."
Email from a friend: "Can you fix Spacebar on my keypad?"
My friend was on duty in the main lab one quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of a computer with arms crossed staring at the screen. After 15 minutes he noticed that the woman is still sitting in the same position, only this time nervously tapping his foot on the floor. He approached her and asked if she needed help, and she nervously replied, "It's about time! I pressed F1 even twenty minutes ago!"
In the program "POLARATOR" on channel 21 on Thursday 03 '91. the part of the program when the leaders answered questions from viewers regarding computers is one of the questions was: "I'd like to buy a computer; heard that 386 is good, so I wanted to hear what you think, but because fanansijske situation would have bought a keyboard and joined it to the TV as the external memory I used tape? " Head is just speechless.
Do you know how N. Parezanovic (Professor of Physics, author of numerous books on computer) translated the word software & hardware? "Mekotvorina & TVRDOTVORINE."
I remember the first year of high. My dad bought a C64 and I buy the book "BASIC" of the above N. PAREZANOVIĆ. I do not know about computers. Everything you type as written in the book, C64 let me know any mistake ... At the moment, "Informatics and Computing" ask prof. Kurjačkog "Well ... I have the C64, no program will be executed. Anything to do?" He (the most serious look on his face) said, "Well you know what, to write programs, you have to have a program called text-processor."
Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
AST technical support had a caller who complained that it was hard to control a mouse with a "dust cover". In the end it turned out that the "dust shield" plastic bag the mouse was packaged.
Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system would not read word processing files from his old 5.25 "floppy disks. Gradual After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat [which the drive may be exposed], it was found to the end user put labels on floppy disks and diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
One AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived with photocopies of the floppies.
Dell technician advised his customer to put a floppy disk in the floppy drive back and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and then the phone heard that this put the phone down, got up and walked away across the room to close the door of the room.
Another Dell customer called [technical support] to complain that his computer will not send a fax. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician realized that the man holding the document in front of the monitor screen and hitting [mouse] button "send".
Another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer work. Cleaned it so that the whole keyboard in the soapy water and buried his left in the water all day, then removing all the keys and each could be washed.
Confused user of IBM computers had a problem with printing documents. He said IBM technician to have a computer cash register to "see printer". Then he also tried to turn the monitor to the printer, but even then the computer could not "see" the printer.
DgDell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid" (bad and naughty). The tech replied that the message should not be taken personally.
An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support could not be switched to your new Dell computer. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pressed the button that says "Power." Her answer was pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens. The "foot pedal" turned out to be the mouse.
Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer would not work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When he asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
Another true story from Nowell's."Hello, is this tech support?""Yes, how may I help you?""Cupholders in my PC-s is broken and the computer is still under warranty. Was it be fixed?""Excuse me, but did you say a cup holder?""Yes, that is attached to the front of my computer.""Please excuse me if I sound confused: it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How do you get this" cup holders "? Does it have any trademark on it?""I got it from the computer. I do not know anything about a promotion. It just has" 4X "on it."at this time a technician had to cover up the phone in the attack of laughter. This person used the drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and then it broke off.
One IBM customer had trouble installing software and call the support."I put the first disc in the drive, and that was OK. Then said to put another drive, and there have been some problems with the disc. Said she put the third disk - I did not could not even tuck ..." This guy had not realized that "Insert Disk 2" means that the first disc is removed first
In a similar case, the user has followed instructions istalaciju software. in the instructions that said you need to remove the disc from its wrapper and put it in the drive. The user is physically opened the disk and then wonder in what problems arose.
In the West, spreading fear of computer virus invasion of the USSR. However, it is technically impossible as the Russian viruses programmed in Cyrillic and can not be anything western computers. (Source unknown)

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